Like always,
she is present
and absent,
in and out of me,
i speak her words,
wonder if my face mimics
manner and humour,
love and confusion,
and i remember
the intensity of giving
equalled by an intensity of refusal;
she was proud
and such a child
in her gifting
and embrace,
mother and teacher,
but such a student too.
And I,
I cannot remember
the kiri-suwanda,
that baby time
or her giving
for time-squeeze
and event-mix
arrived
with the curse of awkwardness
she left
so did I
each to a specific banishment
each in a specific abhinishkramanaya,
and our returns never coincided
our orbits chose to slip
and miss.
I was not her eka-pun-sanda,
not all the time;
but i was, i am sure,
now and then,
and that's all that matters
in the matter of thanksgiving.
*Today is the 3rd anniversary of her passing.
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